Saturday, August 20, 2011
The problem is dog poop. Research has disclosed that the major pollutant in some American cities in the wintertime is bacteria from dog poop. (Heck, half the problem here is what to call the stuff. “Dog poop” seems like something you talk to your kids about, like a “weewee”. Calling it “dog shit” seems so vulgar. “Feces” is too clinical. “Excrement” is too formal, and “crap” too slangy. “Leavings” is so vague, and “dung” too general ((although I like the alliteration of “Dog dung”)). So, reluctantly, I will stick with “poop.”)
As someone who likes to walk in the winter this comes as no surprise to me. In the summer most of this stuff ends up in the grass where there are lots of insects to help remove it, but in the winter, the poop just sits there. Like anything else it goes through a freeze-melt cycle, and on warm days the foul odor is enough to make me sick. Now I find out that the walk I take for my health is actually no more than stroll through bacteria left by people’s pets.
You dog owners out there (Ann Terry I am talking to you), I know what you are saying—that you clean up after your dog and this is not your fault. But really, do you ALWAYS clean up immediately? What about when the dogs (and Ann has at least three for those who don’t know her) are in the yard? Yes, Ann the air from the yard is just as filled with bacteria as that from the dog park, and now your dog’s bacteria is going into my lungs. Next time I have an asthma attack I am blaming you. Don’t be laughing you other dog owners, you are all to blame. Even if you clean it up and throw it in the trash it doesn’t just disappear. The trash ends up in the landfill and the air from the landfill flows into the city too.
So now that we have identified this menace to public health what is anyone going to do about it? I suspect nothing. Can you imagine the response had the study identified the exact same level of some sort of industrial pollutant? The citizenry would be up in arms, demanding something be done. Lawsuits would be filed on behalf of those already sickened. People will picket because some mill owner spills chemicals into a holding pond which cannot possibly leak into groundwater, and they will demand legislation to prevent new television towers from being built and increasing electromagnetic radiation; but when a major threat to the environment comes from man’s best friend, I doubt anyone will do anything.
Dogs have become more than pets these days. People take their dogs to the ballgames (which even have “dog nights,” seriously), to work (and no, I am not referring to anyone specifically), even to lavish dinner parties. I am not talking about service animals. I mean just your average Paris Hilton kind of purse dog. Many childless people refer to their dogs as their children. Do you really think people would allow any kind of legislation to reduce the threat from dog poop bacteria? China has a one-child policy, do you think America can pass a one-dog rule?
And it is not just me worried about the poop problem. The Jefferson County Sheriff’s Office made national news with their Poop Fairy campaign. More power to you Ted Mink. I wish I still lived in Jeffco and you were not term limited, you would have my vote for life!
I realize everyone is just going to think I am raising this because I hate dogs. This has nothing to do with hating dogs. (The truth is I don’t hate dogs, I hate irresponsible dog owners.) And I am not complaining about the lack of compliance with other laws pertaining to dogs, such as leash laws, zoning restrictions, and breed prohibitions. Which also is annoying. What I am trying to do is raise consciousness about a serious health problem.
I bet you think this blog is written in jest. I assure you it is not. POOP IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER. I bet the first ones who advocated for smoking restrictions faced the same resistance. But now look, smoking is banned in most places. Dog poop is next. We need a coordinated response to this problem. I think the President should create a study group composed equally of Republicans and Democrats who should investigate this problem and propose solutions. Democrats will probably want a Poop Tax, while Republicans will deny any canine-caused environmental problems. Whatever the solution, I want to insist we start working on this right away.
I propose the following slogan: “More poop means more problems. Stop dog poop in its tracks.” Maybe all we need is a rallying cry.
Labels: Dog poop
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