Miles's blog

Florida must be the most litigious state in the nation.  They have more TV commercials, newspaper ads, and billboards for lawyers than any place I have ever seen.   It is so bad here that even a former governor (Charlie Crist) appears in one of these tacky commercials.  

These lawyers get on TV with their most sincere faces, which I assume they practice in front of magnifying mirrors, and claim that they will work for you, the victim.  Their empathy is palpable while their competence is demonstrated by the number of law books visible behind them. Mostly they wear suits and ties, but there are the folksy lawyers who are more casual.  They speak in slow, measured tones, using words like “rights,” “justice,” and “hold them responsible.”  More lawyerly terms like “contingent fee,” “escrow account,” and “exorbitant costs” are never uttered.  One the website is “forthepeople.com.”  I mean, really.  They equate themselves with Thomas Jefferson and their fee agreement with the Declaration of Independence?

There is one firm dedicated to fighting for men’s rights in divorces, most others seems to be seeking the once-in-a-career tort where a some poor working schlub claims his debilitating knee problems are the result of the poorly-designed bus stairs he had to walk up and down for 40 years or that his myriad of health ailments are related to the now-defunct chemical plant which once sat on the land where his public housing development now stands, and not the alcohol, drugs, and cheetos he imbibed from the couch his entire life.  (See, Brockovich, Erin.) 

Lots of these firms seem to be comprised of related lawyers.  There’s Farah & Farah, Morgan & Morgan, and Harrell & Harrell.  The last seems to be almost like a cult.  Their commercial has two older attorneys, who seem to be a married couple, and a slew of younger lawyers, several also named Harrell.  I guess leaving the family business was not allowed.  It is as if the Lozows had a commercial.  (Can you imagine?)

These guys on the commercials say some of the most insipid things. One of them claims that “being a trial lawyer is all I ever wanted to be.”  Seriously!  That is either a lie or pathetic.  Is this guy telling me that when he was hanging around the neighborhood and other boys were saying how they wanted to be an astronaut, or a ballplayer, or a cop, that he told them he wanted to be a trial lawyer?  That would have gotten his ass kicked in my neighborhood.  I mean really, what kid even knows what a trial lawyer is (unless one of his parents is one), and who aspires at age eight to spend all their life groveling in front of an excessively-egoed narcissist.  Heck if you wanted to do that you would aspire to be an NBA coach.  (I am just kidding, a lot of my friends are judges, and some of them are not narcissists.)

I have no idea, of course, what kind of lawyers these advertisers are.  It is entirely possible that the best lawyers in Florida need to advertise to maintain their client base.  This was not my experience in Colorado.  One never saw Boogie Lewis or Craig Truman touting their experience.  Most of those who advertised extensively were not too impressive when they actually showed up on a criminal case.  They just wanted a quick deal.

I liked it better in the olden days when lawyers were prohibited from advertising.  Then the incompetent quiet ones had just as much of a chance to get clients as the incompetent loud ones.  Now we have lawyers peddling their services on television just like plumbers or used car salesmen.  How on earth can anyone needing a lawyer sort out which of these schlockmeisters will give them the best representation?  Heck, if I needed a lawyer to sue somebody I would have no idea who to go to and I worked in the field for 30 years.  I have a hard time believing that every client of a firm which pushes for clients with extensive advertising is treated with any more personal care than other consumers of businesses which extensively advertise.  Maybe I am wrong.  After all, they promise “justice” and who doesn’t want to believe in that?