Miles's blog

H.L. Mencken once wrote: “No one in this world . . . has ever lost money by underestimating the intelligence of the great masses of plain people.”  The creators and producers of the Broadway musical “Spider Man: Turn Off the Dark” must have that quote plastered into the walls of their offices.

I went to see the aforementioned musical yesterday and found it to be the worst theatrical production I have ever seen.  I mean worst ever.  Worse than Meg’s school productions.  This was just, plain bad.  Not bad in a campy way, so bad it is unintentionally funny.  No, this production reeked from top to bottom.  I can’t believe the writers, directors, choreographers, actors, etc failed to realize that they were putting on the worst piece of garbage to ever hit the American stage.  Through their many creative problems which went on for over a year, it must have been obvious to them that this show includes not a semblance of originality, creativity, style, or class.  I feel sorry for the performers who have to go onstage eight times a week.  Or rather, I would feel sorry for them except they seem to be part of a smash.

Even the title is stupid.  Turn off the dark?  Is that the same as turn on the light?  I fail to understand what turning off the dark means because Spider Man not once in this show turns on any lights.  Unfortunately, there is a song of the same name in the show, which a sleeping Peter Parker hears in his dreams sung by the spider goddess Arachne while he is lifted over his bed and floats 10 feet above the stage. 

Most of the show, in fact, takes place above the stage and over the crowd.  Because my seat was in the eighth row I had the uncomfortable problem of trying to see action going on behind me and over my head.  Often times the flying performers were only a couple of feet above me.  Such proximity did not add to my theater-going experience.  Trying to following the action often meant one of the bright stage lights directly shining into my eyes, temporarily blinding me.  I was actually grateful for the relief.

The creators of this show have substituted aerial motion for action.  Spider Man and the Green Goblin engage in the climactic struggle high above the crowd.  There is no dialogue and their fighting is less exciting than Japanese kite fighting.  It appears the performers are concentrating much more on not falling than any dramatic portrayal of an epic struggle between two superpowered antagonists.  Spider Man of course emerges victorious by using his web, which the actor drops on the crowd below as some sort of tepid audience involvement.  While I was trying to get these strips of paper off of me, small children were racing through the seats scooping them up as souvenirs. 

There is no real plot, of course, like most comic book adaptations.  Boy meets girl, boy meets spider, boy becomes conflicted hero, loses girl, then has to confront evil villain who has kidnapped girl, ending with girl pledging undying love for our hero despite the risks.  This lack of any real drama is not uncommon in musicals and is not a problem if other aspects of the show are interesting.  In Spider Man, however, not a single other thing is.

The music is boring.  There is not a single song that has any real rhythm.  They croak along, amplified to ear-splitting levels, sung with the false melodrama of actors trying to sing about deep subjects while wearing ridiculous costumes.  The choreography is standard Broadway stuff, but on a very basic level, as if most of the dancers had to learn it last night. 

I realize this is based on a comic book and the sets are supposed to be cartoonish, but they are so silly, and the presence of the stagehands so undisguised, that this looks to be something put on by a high school rather than a multi-million dollar Broadway production.  The costumes are equally hideous.  The Green Goblin and his henchmen are not frightening, but merely clownish.  Patrick Page as the Goblin is deliberately overacting, but even that seems to be boring.  There is a difference between an actor taking his craft to extremes and one who appears to be making a mockery of the piece he is performing in.

It is difficult to evaluate the other actors as they don’t have much to do.  Even Matthew James Thomas as Spider Man/Peter Parker didn’t really act as much as emote.  Rebecca Faulkenberry as Mary Jane was adorable and has a nice voice, but she is more ornament than love interest. 

Despite all these problems, the Foxwoods Theater was almost full.  This is a big theater, more than 1800 seats on three levels.  The audience seemed to be loving the show, although they failed to applaud at places where normally Broadway theatergoers would do so.  I got the impression that many of them had never been to a show before and quite a few were speaking another language.  The gross receipts for Spider Man are the envy of Broadway, totaling more than $100 million. 

While I hated it, I am not sorry I saw it.  Forevermore, no matter how long it runs, Spider Man is Broadway legend now.  And now I know that whatever I go to see next, it has got to be a step up.