Miles's blog

It is brutally hot here in the northeast.  As I write this at 11:30 a.m. it is already 90 degrees.  The humidity is 45 percent.  The predicted high is 95.  I am going to forego taking a walk.  I am debating whether I should go to a movie or go to the beach.  The beach here is mostly shells and not sand so the movie idea is winning.  The problem there is the movies out now do not appeal to me.  So I am stuck here at home and kind of bored and out of ideas for a blog (since I said I would reduce writing about politics and stuff).  I decided I would return to a theme from an old blog: stuff for sale on the internet that I would buy if I had the money; or maybe not that I would buy but that I think is amusing, different, weird, or perhaps just entertaining. 

Star Trek engagement ring:  I love this.  It has a sort of vaguely-Star Trek kind of symbol with a diamond. If you spring this on her when you propose and she accepts anyway, you have a keeper.  If not, however, get a life.  (A statement coined by William Shatner.)

Han Solo Frozen iPhone case:  Continuing in the science fiction theme, if you love Star Wars carry around one of the iconic images.  Han was, of course, rescued by Luke Skywalker from Jabba the Hut, with the nice added bonus that he got to scoop up the barely-dressed Princess Leia.

Royal Toilet Throne:  Furnishings should fit the home, don’t you think.  And yet when you tour expensive houses their toilets are just like yours and mine (except perhaps they have a heated seat or something.  But this is fit for a mansion.  A $12,000 toilet, that is conspicuous consumption.

Baby carrying jacket: This picture freaked me out.  I thought it was one of those horror flicks where the guys Siamese twin brother was poking out of his chest.  But when I looked carefully at what it really is I thought it was even creepier.  Restrain your baby by strapping him to your chest in some sort of papoose kind of thing so he gets used to being completely restrained all the time, allowing you to go about your business without the nuisance of actually having to deal with having a baby.

Human fetus soap bar:  This is just too sick for words.

Glow in the dark crowbar:  Who makes this, Felons, Inc?  I mean under what theory would you have a legitimate use for this?

USB Typewriter:  I need this.  I grew up with manual typewriters, the kind you really had to punch the key (which explains why I use only two fingers on each hand to type) and which rang a bell when you got to the end of the line.  Modern keyboards do not have that same kind of satisfaction.  This is so great. I am going to get one for Meg for her birthday. (I am safe to put that here as she has stopped reading my blogs.  Can’t blame her.)

Remote control tarantula:  I hope nobody ever gets one of these things near me, unless they also buy the Physio Control Lifepak Express defibrillator.

Kevlar socks:  To keep you from shooting yourself in the foot, obviously.

Hair-growing helmet:  I hate to admit I need this thing, but I am willing to turn to modern science in the never-ending effort to retain my youthful, vibrant appearance.  (Again, safe from being ridiculed by Meg.)